1. What are your morning rituals on the first day of CNY/before you start visiting?
As the oldest amongst all the Noosecasters, I insist on them visiting me. I prepare Chinese tea infused with gin and tonic, and cucumber sandwich-flavoured bak kwa. It’s practically vegetarian! I also wear red underwear. Crocodile.
2. What reunion dinner traditions do you have?
As I have no friends but am very rich, I pay a few “friends” to come over to toss some yu sheng. I then take a wefie and post it on Facebook to prove I have friends. I'm so rich I once served raw koi from Sentosa Cove on my yu sheng. It was very expensive.
3. Angpow practices — do you like giving your kids a special bag to keep them in? Do you make them carry the oranges to each house?
Children have to follow tradition! I am very traditional. Yes, it is important to not sweep or wash anything during CNY (I don’t bathe for a week), wear red underwear — wear entirely new wardrobes, in fact — and bear oranges when visiting. It is also important to receive oranges when leaving. Some kids have forgotten and I will proceed to spray paint “O$P$” on the door of those who do not give kids their oranges back. We cannot forget our roots!
4. What goodies do you like to have available for visitors?
I usually decorate the home with portraits of myself, Queen Elizabeth coasters and the Union Jack cushion covers to remind my guests that the Chinese are EVERYWHERE. I also make a special order of roast duck from Four Seasons in Bayswater in London. Air-flown goodness.
5. What does CNY mean to you?
It’s to get together with friends and family and exchange money. It's practically money laundering.
6. What’s your favorite CNY greeting? What’s your favorite CNY song?
I hate all CNY songs. They should be banned. If CNY had a Grinch, it would be me.
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