OPEN LETTER To my daughter’s bully

A father details the torment his tween daughter’s bully inflicts on his family, plus, why he never confronted her…

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To my daughter’s bully,

Imagine watching someone you love, perhaps your brother or sister, coming home crying and suffering because someone was really mean to them in school. Not only with really harsh words, but also doing mean things to them. Then imagine this happening every day. What would you say to her when she comes back crying and saying to you: Why me? Why am I bullied?

What kind of questions would come to your mind? Wouldn’t you ask yourself…

-          What kind of person would bully someone else?

-          Why would that bully do these nasty things?

-          How would you feel towards the bully ― Anger? Hatred?

-          Why shouldn’t you confront the bully and make him stop all the abuse?

This is how I’ve felt whenever you’ve bullied my now 16-year-old daughter these past eight years. You need to know that what you do not only impacts one person but also their entire family. More importantly, your bullying affects you more than any other person.

I explained that life is like a boomerang — if you are nice to others, others will be nice to you and if you are nasty to people, don’t expect others to be nice to you.

One thing I consistently ask my daughter whenever you bully her is “Who is the REAL loser? You or your bully?” The real loser is YOU, the bully. I tell her that the best ‘revenge’ is to live a good life. I explained that life is like a boomerang — if you are nice to others, others will be nice to you and if you are nasty to people, don’t expect others to be nice to you. I don’t mean to call you a loser, but I need to let my daughter know that it’s not her fault.

As difficult as it was, I brought up another topic — forgiveness. I asked my child if she can forgive you for all the things you’ve done to her. I vividly recall her reply to me: “Daddy, it’s very difficult. She did a lot of nasty things to me.” And who can blame her? If you are the one being bullied, would you be able to forgive the other person if she bullied you the same way you’ve bullied my daughter? I am sure you will find it next to impossible to find forgiveness as well.