9 signs you aren’t ready for a baby

Having a baby changes your life. These clues show that you should wait to hear the patter of little feet…

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You’ve been married a couple of years and reckon it might be time to expand your family.

Maybe you’ve started realising that all your college girlfriends seem to have dropped out of your “Friday drinks after work” group, because they are either a) pregnant or b) mothers.

Or perhaps you’re tired of fending off nosey questions from well-meaning relatives about when you plan to have a baby at every family gathering.

In any case, having a baby is not a decision to take lightly. No matter how envy-inducing those Instagram pix of cute baby butts or daddy-son lookalikes are, you need to be absolutely sure that you’re ready to take on the role of mum…or not.

Here are 10 signs that you can, and probably should, wait:

1. You’re still in party mode
If you prefer to check out the latest watering hole for drinks at 2am to planning a first birthday party, then you may need more time evaluate your priorities before taking that step towards parenthood.

While mothers need a healthy social circle, it’s going to be difficult if you think that a meaningful convo is best done during a past-midnight supper. Uh huh, caring for a baby pretty much means that you’re going to have cut out most late nights, for bubba’s, as well as your well-being. 

Perhaps, your spouse is pressuring you to have kids, even though you yourself have doubts that you’re ready.

 2. You can’t afford it
When you’re struggling to make ends meet, having to feed another   mouth isn’t the best financial decision. Babies are expensive ― besides budgeting for essential baby gear, insurance and medical bills, you’ll need to think of setting aside enough money for diapers and formula milk in the early years.

Plus, once your maternity leave is over, there’s childcare arrangements to consider. Whether you hire a domestic helper, use a babysitter or place your child in an infantcare centre, it won’t be cheap.

3.  You’re being pressured
Sure, your parents may have reminded you more than once that you’re “not getting any younger”, and your best pals are now busy raising little ones.

Still, it’s important to ask yourself the real reason why you’re even considering having a child ― is it societal or family pressure? Perhaps, your spouse is pressuring you to have kids, even though you yourself have doubts that you’re ready.

If you don’t feel prepared to be a mum, it’s best to be honest with yourself. The last thing you want is to regret rushing into the decision. One working mother, who has two kids and wants to be known as Gerry, shares that “while I love my kids unconditionally, I can’t say I love being a mum. It’s hard work, and takes a lot of getting used to”.

4. You want to fix your relationship
Thinking that having a baby will solve your marriage issues is, well, plain wrong. While getting pregnant immediately changes the dynamics of your relationship ― it may not necessarily be for the better.

You may hope that introducing a little one to the family can strengthen your commitment to each other, but the vision that a baby can bring a couple closer together is usually just…an ideal.

In reality, marriage is hard work, but parenting may be even harder. Having to care for a baby makes you tired and sleep deprived and this can affect your relationship with your husband. Couples easily get distant with each other, and it’s so much harder to focus on one another when there’s a baby in the mix.