9 mind-blowing things to know about sex after marriage

Sex isn’t always about red-hot passion from the get-go, the reality can be rather awkward and messy! Read on…

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So, you’re settling in to sweet, sweet married life after the wedding.

But many brides (grooms, too!)-to-be enter marriage with a preconceived (and sometimes wrong) idea about what to expect about sex because they get caught up in the romance of planning a wedding!

Here are key things all newlyweds should know about doing the deed.

#1 It’s not like the movies

Onscreen couples are often depicted as passion-flushed and raring to jump into bed. Reality check: Your bedtime romps are more likely be nerve-racking, clumsy, messy, and possibly, even painful affairs initially.

So, throw all those sex-pectations out of the window, stat! Just enjoy the intimacy of kissing and touching each other, and take your time to learn how to pleasure one another. Like any other skill in life, you won’t start off as a pro. It’s going to take time and, well, lots of practice, to develop this particular ability.

#2 It may require planning

Packed schedule? Just too beat? You may need to put sex on the calendar.

Says YN Chia, a secondary school teacher who tied the knot last December, “Right after our wedding, my husband had to dive straight back into work. He was working late and exhausted. When school started in January for me, it meant I had to sleep early to wake up for class the next day. As you can see, our schedules weren’t great for our sex life!”

The idea of scheduling sex can make you cringe, but Chia said it worked for her. She decided that prioritising sex would mean setting certain nights aside just for her hub. “It actually got quite exciting, because when you know what you’re up for that night, you’ll prep yourself, shave your legs and do the whole hog.”

#3 Be prepared

So, you’ve cleared your schedules and picked out your raciest undergarments in anticipation of a good romp. But there’s no bigger mood killer than feeling dry “down there”. Vaginal dryness, for instance, can make sex painful and orgasm harder to achieve. To solve the problem, have a tube of lube on hand.

And if you aren’t trying for a baby yet, make sure that you’ve got condoms in your bedside drawer, too. You don’t want to have to, ahem, stop things midway!

 

Like any other skill in life, you won’t start off as a pro.

 

#4 You may not feel compatible… at first

Don’t fret if the sexual chemistry between the two of you isn’t quite off the charts. Sex, like most things, takes practice.

Take the pressure off by laughing at yourself a little. Giggle, flirt and feel goofy ― you’re at your most attractive when you’re having fun! Learn more about your spouse every time, and let him know your preferences, too – and you’ll eventually get there.

#5 Your sexual desires will change

You might have been going at it like rabbits when you were first hitched, but expect your sex drive to take a dive in time to come. Life often gets in the way ― stress at work, illness, or perhaps the arrival of kids, can all act as hurdles.

A Ng, mum to a 2-year-old girl, shared that she faced this problem after getting pregnant with her daughter. “I didn’t feel as comfortable being touched, because I was shy of my changing body, and I think my husband was feeling neglected. After chatting with him, we came to a compromise and understanding that this was a ‘special’ phase in our marriage, and won’t last. Things are back to normal now.”

Achieving the right balance and adapting to each other’s needs will take work. Talking to one another can prevent one party from feeling neglected and rejected. Explain to your spouse that saying “no, not tonight,” isn’t a personal rejection. Ultimately, couples will need to find a way to compromise, so that both of your needs get met and no one gets hurt.