Pregnancy ABC

You’ll pick up a whole new glossary as you take steps towards becoming a mother. Take a look at the ABCs of pregnancy…


A is for Adjustable Waistbands

Hot new fashion trend? Afraid not. Despite being completely unflattering, they are a miracle of the maternity-fashion world. And they’re so comfy, you’re in danger of wearing them long after you’ve given birth. So bin them in the car park as you leave the hospital — for the sake of your sanity — as well as your sex life.

B is for Bump (obviously)

Suddenly the whole world thinks it is perfectly okay to stroke your stomach while commenting that it’s enormous/small/weirdlooking (or the all-time classic "Are you sure it’s not twins?"). We suggest patting the off ender’s belly and asking, “Large lunch, was it?” That should shut them up.


C is for Constipation and Crying

All the time. At everything. Justin Bieber tunes — and yes, it’s okay to fancy him a bit — cheesy TV ads, even shows like One Born Every Minute. And don’t even think about watching Kids in Charge. You may suffer from constipation during pregnancy, too, as higher levels of the hormone progesterone slow down the muscle contractions that normally move food through your intestines. So drink plenty of water — at least six to eight glasses a day.

D is for Driving

At first, you will be extra cautious of strapping in your bump. Then you’ll become the designated non-drinking driver, grumpily turning down the radio at the end of another sober night out. But when your tummy gets enormous, just hand over the car keys and enjoy being chauffeured around.

E is for Experts

Yep, everyone is an expert when it comes to pregnancy — Mrs Lee-next-door, your mother-in-law, the old lady in the queue at FairPrice. They can miraculously tell if you’re having a boy or girl, an early or late baby and even "predict" exactly how you’ll feel once you’re a parent. And, no, they won’t hold back from telling you LOUDLY. Ignore them.

F is for Father-To-Be

He’s trying to do and say all the right things (“How do I look?”, “Erm, pregnant?”), but he really doesn’t always get it, does he? And come D-day, this will all be his fault and you’ll vow never to let him near you again.

G is for Getting Creative

In the bedroom, that is. You might have tried handcuff s or chocolate body paint before, but sex-with-a-bump is a whole new world. It takes a bit of imagination — and a lot more effort — than usual, and you’ll have to work out the relative positions of face and bump. But a surge of hormones can do good things to both of you!

H is for Holiday

Take one. Now. Somewhere glamorous. Somewhere sexy. You’ll look back on it in disbelief one day, when you’re crammed into a small car with a travel cot and suitcases full of food and diapers — just to spend one night at a “family-friendly” resort.

I is for Impossible to Work Out

Nipple shields. Breast pumps. Car seats. Super-complex strollers. Baby slings. These things (and their manuals) are sent to try us. They’re also a perfect way to get your husband involved, while you lie on the sofa eating curry puffs.