Dear hubby, here are some things your pregnant wife really, really, really wants you to know…
Pregnancy’s an exciting time when a couple’s bond is boosted in many ways. Going for doctor’s visits, picking out baby names and decorating the nursery are activities couples usually do together while preparing for their little one’s arrival.
During this time, the husband and wife also makes their own personal journeys towards becoming a parent. The woman watches her belly grow bigger by the day and feels her baby kicking. The man supports his wife emotionally and physically supporting her wife, while doing useful chores like assembling the crib.
Needless to say, helpful as are, most men just don’t get what it feels like to be pregnant. And when a clueless man and a hormonal pregnant woman aren’t on the same page, well, the outcome can be rather disastrous.
Ladies, if you feel like your man’s testosterone is getting in the way of his common sense during this all-important time in your life, don’t worry. To ease both your journeys to parenthood, SmartParents has compiled a list of the top things all women wish their husbands knew about pregnancy and how they should act.
All you have to do now is send this article to your man and tell him to bookmark it because he’ll need to refer to it from time to time!
#1 We need to hear that we’re beautiful/stunning/gorgeous at least once a day
Not everyone can glow every single day of their pregnancy. Sometimes, weare feeling shattered (because we’ve been puking all day), other times, we are super-tired, because we are growing a human being inside of us. And that’s before water retention even catches up with us during the third trimester, and we start looking more like the Michelin man than Michelle Williams. So yes, we need to be told, every day, that we look beautiful.
#2 It’s not us, it’s the hormones
Remember how puberty hormones drove you crazy? Well, multiply that by a gazillion, and you’ll get a rough idea of what we’re dealing with when we are preggers. Curious to know just what hormones we’re producing? First, the human chorionic gonadotropin (better known as HCG) needs to keep multiplying throughout the nine months for a pregnancy to stay strong. Then, the oestrogen levels spike as these will play a major role in our milk duct development, so that we can start producing breastmilk. Third, to bolster baby’s growth, our levels of progesterone also need to be extraordinarily high. So, when we do something that’s out of character, don’t judge, just know it’s the hormones talking. Any more questions? Yeah, didn’t think so!
#3 “We” are not pregnant, I am pregnant!
It’s so adorable when men say “we are pregnant” to make it sound like they are in it together with us. No offence, guys, but your contribution to this pregnancy started and ended with the horizontal mambo. Is your uterus stretching to the size of a watermelon? Did your boobs go from a size C to a D overnight? Are your feet so swollen that you can’t fit into any of your cute shoes and you have to wear flip-flops everywhere? Do you have to pee every five minutes? No? Then you’re not pregnant!
When we do something that’s out of character, don’t judge, just know it’s the hormones talking.
#4 We are not disabled
As our growing bump starts getting in the way, you’ll need to help us pick things up from the floor. When we are tired, please offer to carry our bags or run errands, so we can rest. Don’t treat us like glass, though. We are not weak or fragile. Our body is creating a new life, so in fact, we are the opposite of weak and fragile. We are not expecting to be coddled, but we’ll always welcome frequent cuddles!
#5 Manage your expectations when it comes to sex
First, we fret that you might not find us sexy anymore. After all, we don’t quite look the same in our favourite lingerie. So, don’t give up trying to get us into it even if we say we aren’t in the mood. When you do, manage your expectations. Pregnancy sex is bit different to non-pregnant sex. Our bump is going to get in the way, so let’s try to be more creative, shall we? Oh, and don’t worry, you can’t poke the baby. No seriously, that’s not how dimples are formed. Speaking of baby, after it arrives, we might have to put sex in the back burner for a bit ― for possibly as many as six weeks. But don’t be surprised if this timeline needs to be extended, especially if we’ve had a vaginal birth. Don’t worry though, we will get back on the saddle soon enough [wink wink].
#6 Don’t use words like “big”, “round” and “growing”
We know we’re getting big. You know we’re getting big. Our next door neighbor knows we’re getting big. So, you don’t need to point it out to us. This is one of the rare times in our marriage that you’re allowed, even encouraged, to lie. Tell us we are “glowing”, “radiant” and “curvaceous”. Use any other word, but any synonym for fat.
#7 We’re tired ― all the time
You planned a romantic dinner followed by a late-night dinner? How sweet. Make sure you booked us into Gold Class though, because we’d like to put our feet up as we take a nap. Growing a baby inside of you is hard work so, 7pm is the new 9pm for us. Bub is not only literally sucking the life and energy out of us, it also kept us up for half the night with all that kicking. Now, how about a nice foot rub as we doze off?
#8 Don’t expect us to look like supermodel Miranda Kerr two months after giving birth.
Celebrity rebounds after having babies are unrealistic so, don’t expect to see us in a cut-out dress at our baby’s first-month party. Miranda Kerr and the likes have a posse of people to supervise their diets and watch their babies while they work out at the gym and take multiple naps throughout the day. So, unless you’re ready to pay for our own entourage, keep your expectations low. We will get back in shape when we are ready.
#9 When it comes to food: What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine!
When a pregnant woman says she’s starving, feed her stat! There will be no dilly-dallying, there will be no, “So, what do you feel like having, honey.” Instead, we want to see you race to the nearest kopitiam or café to get us something to eat pronto. Better still, always bring snacks along wherever you go. It’s not only that she gets hungrier during pregnancy, but whenever she’s feel nausea or fatigue, it’s a good idea for her to eat something to keep her energy levels up. Also, be prepared to drive to different ends of the island to get her whatever she’s craving. You really don’t want to say no at this time. Another thing you shouldn’t say no to is when she reaches out to “share” your food as well. Don’t be surprised if she inhales her food and is still be hungry. She is eating for two after all. Now is not the time to be stingy, guys ― surrender your plate of chili cheese fries!
#10 “Pregnancy brain” is a real thing
We know it sounds like a free pass to do really dumb things because we’re pregnant, but pregnancy brain is legit! Surging hormones, lack of sleep and multitasking new priorities alongside existing ones can affect anyone’s memory. It will start with little bout of forgetfulness ― we may not remember if we brushed our teeth or what day it is. But there have been stories about women who’ve forgotten to show up for appointments or even locked themselves out of the house. So, do keep an eye on us. Don’t blame us either ― we’re not doing it on purpose! At the same time, get used to it, because after bub is born mummy brain is just around the corner.
#11 We worry about everything ― childbirth, handling baby, breastfeeding etc.
We have a human being the size of a bowling ball working his/her way out of our body, very likely through a small opening in our bodies. So yes, thinking of what can go wrong during childbirth does up keep us up at night and as the months progress, so will our anxiety. Also, the early months after baby arrives will be a trying time for us, regardless of whether it’s our first baby or third. But we aren’t asking you to fix our problems, just be our pillar of support and a shoulder to cry on.
Surging hormones, lack of sleep and multitasking new priorities alongside existing ones can affect anyone’s memory.
#12 We need you on our side more than ever after baby arrives
Speaking of support, everyone will be offering heaps of well-intentioned parenting advice ― ranging from your mother to the aunty on the bus. This will irritate and confuse us, plus, also make us doubt our maternal instincts. Throw post-partum hormones and recovery into the mix and you’ve got one heck of wreck for a wife. What do we need? Our own personal cheerleader and wing man. Stay by us as much as you can, tell us we’re doing a good job and help with diaper, feeding and nap duties. By the way, don’t be afraid to slam the door on intrusive relatives who “popped by” unannounced to see the baby. And tell your mother to zip it up!
#13 We appreciate everything you do
Managing a hormonal, pregnant lady is no walk in park. We know what a handful we are, so we really do appreciate and love you for your patience, love and support. Maybe it’s a good thing that we’re helping you hone these soft skills. Because if you can manage a neurotic mum-to-be, managing a newborn is going to be a breeze ― and we know you’re going to ace at that!
Photos: iStock
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