5 types of friends you’ll have after baby arrives

Your entire life is transformed majorly when you become a mum and this includes your friendships. Here’s what to expect…

5 types of friends you’ll have after baby arrives1

It’s no secret that your life will turn topsy-turvy once your tyke arrives. The good news is that you’ll have plenty of resources to help you deal with the big changes. Unfortunately, the one change many parents-to-be overlook is how baby’s arrival is going to change the lifelong friendships that took years to nurture.

 

This is also an area that affects mums more than dads, since women make deeper and more meaningful connections with their friends. Friendships are also important to women especially after they become mothers, because their support helps them get through issues like postnatal depression.

 

Some friendships strengthen, while others disappear slowly until they are completely fade from your life. Then there are those surprising new connections you make with other parents simply because you both have kids the same age.

 

While friendships will never be the same again after your baby arrives, you have ways to make them work, as long as both parties are willing to. Here are five post-baby connections you can expect to make, plus, tips on how to navigate them.

 

Friendship Type #1 The child-free chicas

PRE-BABY FRIENDSHIP: You spent most of your 20s with this lot, travelling, watching the latest blockbuster movies and catching up into the wee hours of the morning.

POST-BABY FRIENDSHIP: Your late-night “parties” are still happening post-baby, but in a way your child-free friends will never understand. Life for you at the moment is all about coping with sleep deprivation and a colicky baby, while sorting out your breastfeeding snags. Friends who haven’t jumped on the baby train, or who don’t intend to will never understand what that feels like. “I was one of the first to have a baby in my circle of friends, and as understanding as they were, it was hard to talk to them about what I was going through with my baby,” says Suzanne Chia, mum to Aiden, 2. “I feared my childless friends would no longer find anything in common with me and that would be the end of my friendships.”

FUTURE FRIENDSHIP: It’s true that many friendships fall apart when one party has a kid and the other doesn’t. However, it’s also about compromise. Child-free friends have to try to find ways to connect with their newly-minted mummy mate by reading up about babies, asking questions or even just offering an ear a listening ear. Mums, on the other hand, have to realise that your friends’ lives don’t revolve around you and your baby. As much as you want to chat about your cutie all day, your childless friends probably don’t. Also, isn’t it great to have child-free friends who can update you on all things non-baby related and remind you of the person you once used to be?

 

Even if we didn’t share the same parenting philosophies, my mummy friends are still very supportive and understanding. I wouldn’t have survived my first year with baby without them.

 

Friendship Type #2 The mummy mates

PRE-BABY FRIENDSHIP: Some of these ladies are friends you’ve been close to forever who got pregnant around the same time as you. Others are just acquaintances, but have now grown closer, thanks to motherhood.  

POST-BABY FRIENDSHIP: You are now thick as thieves because she totally gets you when you’re say things like, “I am so tired I could fall asleep standing up.” She’s your sounding board, your go-to playdate person and overall confidant. You can send her pics of bubba’s poop because you are worried and she will gladly have an hour-long conversation about it. In short, she’s your mummy BFF and you wouldn’t know how to navigate motherhood without her. “I couldn’t have been more blessed than to have two very close friends who became mums around the same time as me,” notes Shazeen Begum. “Even if we didn’t share the same parenting philosophies, my mummy friends are still very supportive and understanding. I wouldn’t have survived my first year with baby without them.”

FUTURE FRIENDSHIP: It’s very likely that this relationship will succeed for now, since you will always have motherhood to keep you guys tight. These women need you as much as you need them. However, everyone has their own way of doing things when it comes to parenting. So, just make sure you steer clear of any kind of mum shaming, forcing your friends to adopt your parenting pointers, or comparing your kids. It’s a recipe for the mummy wars, and we all know how badly those can end.