So, you’re settling in to sweet, sweet married life after the wedding.
But many brides (grooms, too!)-to-be enter marriage with a preconceived (and sometimes wrong) idea about what to expect about sex because they get caught up in the romance of planning a wedding!
Here are key things all newlyweds should know about doing the deed.
#1 It’s not like the movies
Onscreen couples are often depicted as passion-flushed and raring to jump into bed. Reality check: Your bedtime romps are more likely be nerve-racking, clumsy, messy, and possibly, even painful affairs initially.
So, throw all those sex-pectations out of the window, stat! Just enjoy the intimacy of kissing and touching each other, and take your time to learn how to pleasure one another. Like any other skill in life, you won’t start off as a pro. It’s going to take time and, well, lots of practice, to develop this particular ability.
#2 It may require planning
Packed schedule? Just too beat? You may need to put sex on the calendar.
Says YN Chia, a secondary school teacher who tied the knot last December, “Right after our wedding, my husband had to dive straight back into work. He was working late and exhausted. When school started in January for me, it meant I had to sleep early to wake up for class the next day. As you can see, our schedules weren’t great for our sex life!”
The idea of scheduling sex can make you cringe, but Chia said it worked for her. She decided that prioritising sex would mean setting certain nights aside just for her hub. “It actually got quite exciting, because when you know what you’re up for that night, you’ll prep yourself, shave your legs and do the whole hog.”
#3 Be prepared
So, you’ve cleared your schedules and picked out your raciest undergarments in anticipation of a good romp. But there’s no bigger mood killer than feeling dry “down there”. Vaginal dryness, for instance, can make sex painful and orgasm harder to achieve. To solve the problem, have a tube of lube on hand.
And if you aren’t trying for a baby yet, make sure that you’ve got condoms in your bedside drawer, too. You don’t want to have to, ahem, stop things midway!
Like any other skill in life, you won’t start off as a pro.
#4 You may not feel compatible…at first
Don’t fret if the sexual chemistry between the two of you isn’t quite off the charts. Sex, like most things, takes practice.
Take the pressure off by laughing at yourself a little. Giggle, flirt and feel goofy ― you’re at your most attractive when you’re having fun! Learn more about your spouse every time, and let him know your preferences, too – and you’ll eventually get there.
#5 Your sexual desires will change
You might have been going at it like rabbits when you were first hitched, but expect your sex drive to take a dive in time to come. Life often gets in the way ― stress at work, illness, or perhaps the arrival of kids, can all act as hurdles.
A Ng, mum to a 2-year-old girl, shared that she faced this problem after getting pregnant with her daughter. “I didn’t feel as comfortable being touched, because I was shy of my changing body, and I think my husband was feeling neglected. After chatting with him, we came to a compromise and understanding that this was a ‘special’ phase in our marriage, and won’t last. Things are back to normal now.”
Achieving the right balance and adapting to each other’s needs will take work. Talking to one another can prevent one party from feeling neglected and rejected. Explain to your spouse that saying “no, not tonight,” isn’t a personal rejection. Ultimately, couples will need to find a way to compromise, so that both of your needs get met and no one gets hurt.
#6 You may, or may not orgasm…
… And that’s perfectly okay!
Says Chia, “I wish someone had helped me understand more about orgasms ― like how to achieve it, what it feels like, does it always happen? But I’ve come to learn what works or doesn’t work for me, and I don’t feel like I need to orgasm every single time.”
So, enjoy the process, and don’t get caught up thinking about the endgame. Sex is perfectly good, even without the elusive orgasm…but when you do get it, it’s amazing!
#6 You need to talk about sex
Communication is key in every relationship, especially your sexual relationship. Yet, conversations about intimacy are one of the hardest to have.
Dive into the discussion, since the both of you have the same goal ― to improve your sex life. Don’t keep your needs and desires inside your head ― share them with your spouse! Discuss anything, from what positions/activities cause you pain, to how long you’d like foreplay to be. Ask questions, like what turns your spouse on, and whether there’s anything he’s longing to try.
While it can get awkward, such conversations will really help, especially when there’s a lull in your sex life.
“Now that we know we can do it whenever we want, it sometimes feels mundane. So, it’s up to us to spice things up for each other!”
#8 It requires effort
You may not always find yourselves lost in ecstasy and passion ― sex can require effort and creativity. “We used to enjoy sneaking around. Because it was forbidden, it was more exciting,” laughs Cheryl Chew, who has been married almost two years. “Now that we know we can do it whenever we want, it sometimes feels mundane. So, it’s up to us to spice things up for each other!”
Add some oomph to your nighttime activities ― light a romantic candle, put on sexy lingerie, or play a sexy board game with your beloved. Find more products to spice things up in bed, here!
#9 You’ll want to stay fit
Exhaustion is one of the top reasons why long-time married couples notice a dip in marital relations. It’s often so much easier to just have dinner, binge on Netflix, before turning in.
You’ll look after your libido if you keep your energy levels up, so that you ensure that you’ll enough stamina to stay up late in order to engage in some nooky!
Keep your diet healthy, eat less food that is high in sugar and fat. Motivate each other to work out, and you’ll feel better about your bodies and yourselves. This confidence boost will work wonders on your sex drive!
Other top reads...